I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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