I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
