We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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