Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just threw up on my dentist
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
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i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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