So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
