I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
pray to the hookup gods
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
