I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
