guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
