my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
