She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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