zippers are such a cool invention
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
