respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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