Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
