i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
