i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
it was like eating out sand paper
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
