I CAN MOONWALK!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
