I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
