My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
did i walk over a car last night?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
How external is "for external use only"?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
