I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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