My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I wear drunk well.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
