This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
