He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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