wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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