Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
whose parrot is this?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
