you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
