Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
