found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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