I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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