Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
