She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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