yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
operation have a gay friend backfired
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
