I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
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we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
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My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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