and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
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