I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
