it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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