wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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