dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
