Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
