So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
