dude i'm inner monologue high
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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