I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
