is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
