Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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