It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
