Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
