So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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