If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
