i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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