I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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