Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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