Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
