the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
