i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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