sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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