When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
