well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
