I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
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I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
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I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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