he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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