So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
