Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
