Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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