he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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