idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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