By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
