I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
