can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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