first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
