mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
worst night to have a conscience
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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