new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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