When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
