3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
