"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
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The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
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Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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