my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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