My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
