he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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